Pardon me but I'd like to steam my vagina in peace.

If you're expecting Gwyneth Paltrow Goop-related content, the title of this bit of nonsense is as close to that as you're going to get.

Ok, so I’m not referring to my vagina per se (or anyone else’s for that matter) but is it too much to ask that we enjoy peaceful tranquillity as we steam our bodies? Who the fuck is steaming their body, you might well wonder. As it happens, quite a few of us are.

I enjoy swimming.

When I say swimming, I mean I favour the Old Lady Breaststroke Technique™…