God made tits super-duper sexy.
Social media really does spew up some 'interesting' viewpoints.
Would you like a little context? Sure, here goes…
I like to hang out on LinkedIn—I know, Jesus fucking Christ, really?! Don’t come for me, my main purpose for using LinkedIn is to attract clients and build my mailing lists. I let it slide that it's glitchy as fuck and that the content assessors are a team of New England Puritans, which brings me to tits. Those New Englanders will literally ban you for using the word ‘bosoms’—not even ‘tits’—’bosoms’, probably the most inoffensive word for mammaries, aside from the word ‘mammaries’.
Before we get into tits (and god) I’d like to say (because it’s relevant) white dudes have had such a kicking over the last few years, haven’t they? I mean seriously, bless their hearts. Some of that kicking has been, in part, due to white dudes confidently giving opinions on subjects they know nothing about. That’s not really their fault, btw. Members of the most privileged group are by default socialised to be confident. They are raised to have the kind of self-belief that other folks aren't encouraged to have—no matter how misplaced. And before the white men get all upset, I’m not talking about individuals. The smart white blokes realise that but for those fellas feeling triggered, I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about the culture of gender. We good, bruv? Excellent.
I mention this demographic specifically here because they are nearly always the group to patronise me, offer unsolicited advice, and harass me online. This leads me nicely to the matter at hand…
So, Linkedin, that’s a mental platform.
People offering up their unfounded shit happens a lot on there. And yes, women do that too only again, I would argue that it’s disproportionality less than the men.
I made a comment (on my own damn post) about the sexualisation of women's ta-tas. (Oosh, feminazi, much? Yes, it would appear so.) To which a white dude chimes:
"I think you're overreacting. No, 'we' didn't sexualise them, god did."
Now, he might have been trying his hand at comedy so I ignored his condescending opener—as a woman, I’m socialised to be kind and also, I dunno about you, ladies, but I just LOVE to be told I’m overreacting. Almost as much as I like to be told to calm down—that shit makes me wet. I have no idea if this chap had designs on stand-up. And I guess I'll never know. I've only responded to him once before when he made some other weird, is-he-being-a-dick? comment on another post. It’s fair to say I’m not familiar with his personality. Can we just suppose, for now, that this old (yes that’s relevant too) white dude was being serious? Because if you don’t suppose that, the rest of this won’t make any fucking sense.
Anyway, tits. They’re hella sexy, yes? YES, THEY ARE, muchos sexy. I’m all for sexy tits. Make no mistake, unsexy tits are not the kind of tits I want anything to do with.
God loves titties.
Let's assume he/she/they love 'em some knockers.
Let's not even contemplate the idea that god might be a social construct. Ignore the fact that we, of course, would laugh heartily at people who might believe in, let's say, dragons, fairies and ghosts but god, sure, god sounds like a perfectly sensible notion. Hell, it's part of the fabric of our society, we still swear on the bible for the love of, well, god. So, for the purpose of this article/post/column, let's pretend god loves bangers.
If that's the case, can you explain to me why it would be pertinent for a newborn to find the hooters of its own mother, sexy? Because how I see it (and as a woman, what the fuck do I know?) feeding babies is what fun bags are for. The fact that other humans find them enticing, is just a happy accident.
Perhaps the sexual desires of a certain group have distorted reality.
For a man in his seventies, I found it hard to believe that he'd gone through all that living, never considering why women's bodies, especially their tits, are policed, and in a way that men's tits aren't. (Who am I kidding, of course, it’s not hard to believe.) Am I to understand that he thinks a culture, which for centuries has forced women to cover up, whilst simultaneously exploiting their physical attributes for profit and gratification has no impact on the way they are judged? That a woman who shows too much or too little, has her very character scrutinised, by both men and women? I guess this man knows more about it than the rest of us. Fuck history, this guy has opinions!
All this is exhausting, isn't it?
Yes.
In the same post, I said summat else (again, not to this particular white dude) about misogyny and bigotry being rife on LinkedIn, guess what, he pipes up AGAIN:
"I disagree that misogyny and bigotry are rife on this platform..."
He is the proverbial ‘reply guy’ and at this point, he might be trolling for the LOLs. But as an old white dude, he would absolutely know all about misogyny and bigotry. No doubt he suffers sexism daily and racist abuse each time he steps outside his front door. Or he might think that if he hasn’t experienced something, it doesn’t exist.
A bit like god really.
What if god did make titties hot? Asking for a friend.