Eating ass is hardly ever planned.
I’m British so I’m going to use the word arse moving forward.
If you’re a pearl-clutching prude, I suggest giving this article a miss, seriously, you’ll only get upset and ask to speak to the manager. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Most of us enjoy sexy time.
But most of us don’t speak of sexy time. That caper is intimate and on a need-to-know basis. I occasionally like to write about sexy time, especially when I can make it read funny. Arse eating is one of those instances. I also think that when you (yes, you) read this, it helps put your mind at ease and maybe makes you say, “Sarah is just like me—disgusting”.
For the record, I don’t eat arse.
I’ll be honest, I like to keep as far away from the back end of humans as I can. Sure, I favour a nice bum but there are good reasons why our butts are behind us.
No one decides that today is the day to eat arse.
I don’t have the stats on this but I reckon crack-noshing is a happy/unhappy accident.
Jim’s shaking his head. He always keeps Tuesdays clear to face-plant his beloved’s toosh. Good for you, Jim! There’s no judgement from me. Frankly, I’m impressed anyone plans sex but I put it to you that when butt feasting does occur it happens as a result of doing something else—*down there*.
Ok, this is my heteronormative perspective speaking. I am not a gay man. But I suspect arses are held in high regard among that community (I know, to assume that makes an ass of u and me…LOL). So yes, I’m talking about arse-eating between a man and a woman. That’s my lived experience. But please feel free to write your own article from your point of view (and send me a link, I wanna read it).
Again, I haven’t eaten an arse in all the years I’ve walked this earth. I haven’t sucked a toe either for the same reason—they’re fucking gross.
My own arse has fallen victim to an arse eater.
TMI? I think we’re past that.
My experience was an accidental incident. Not once did I hear, “Sarah, I’m now going to move to your chocolate starfish, hope that’s ok…”
I would like to stress that this bit of bum fun was consensual. I had given unspoken cues of consent. Sex happens that way, innit. You’re not voicing the go-ahead each time a bloke/person changes pace or sucks something different—that would kill the mood somewhat. But let’s all agree, right now, that if we don’t like something, we should emphatically say so. Yes? YES!
In reality, this was my reaction: “Well, that was unexpected.” I thought that, btw, I didn’t say it out loud.
Licking bumholes is hella intimate.
It’s my opinion that this kind of love language is usually spoken between humans that are familiar with each other. But if you are partaking in bottom-feeding with a casual hookup, I reckon that person isn’t going to be a stranger for long. You do you (and whoever else you’d like to do) but please, do them safely and with their say-so.
Thumbnail photo credit: Nude Man by Cristina Pedrazzini.